“Have you ever had fun with your facial hair?” asks the guru of our men’s retreat. This seemingly casual flippancy belies deeper questions of ownership and masculine identity.

College Rick tried the pathetic scraggly look, knowing it looked ridiculous. Grad School Rick had long-enough chin hairs to string a globe bead into it, thinking it creative fun and not caring how it looked.

But eventually, Professional Rick had to look presentable in interviews and meetings. Married Rick found a partner who doesn’t like kissing beards. Grown-up Rick conformed.

Except for November. “Movember” may have the veneer of a men’s health initiative, but really it’s a big ol’ hall pass to have fun. Express ourselves in ways we don’t even fully believe in (I don’t really want a Viking handlebar moustache). Indulge in selfish follicular folly.

It’s not so much to torture our wives, but to reassert self-determination after 11 months of making concessions to spousal and societal preferences. Not that compromise is a bad thing - for the first time in a month I didn’t laugh at my own image on a zoom meeting, and Sarah did voluntarily kiss me this morning for the first time since Hallowe’en…

Click on the image below to see the various looks that my poor wife had to endure over the last month.