Fragmented – Life of a Caregiver After Knee Replacement
Caring for my warrior wife after knee replacement surgery was never meant to be easy. I was prepared for medicine chart tracking, pain management, emotional counseling, rehab exercises, special food requests, disrupted sleep - it’s what we both signed on for. What I didn’t anticipate was how her shiny new titanium joint would leave me so disjointed.
Days are chopped like that bad haircut I gave myself before a high school punk rock party. It’s 10:47 am right now as I start this second paragraph, and it might well be 11:47 before I finish it. Since we woke up at 5:30, I haven’t had more than 15 minutes to focus on any one task. Fifteen minutes in which to once again open the laptop, remember which task in which window I’d been, read that email or half-sentence or mid-stream NYT article again, reorient myself to my thought process about it, then continue with the response. Finally settle into that groove and start typing or reading or dreaming, then DING! it’s time for another pill or pillow or water or…
What Does a Knee Replacement Caregiver Actually Do?
Administer and track over a dozen pills, ointments and injections. Help into and out of the bathroom, then empty and rinse the portapotty. Strap on the ice machine pad to her knee, rotate ice packs from the fridge, elevate leg, then undo it all 15 minutes later. Massage. Water, snacks. Get meals from the cafeteria upstairs, supplement with more nutrition in our kitchen (a vegetarian meal at this French old folks home can mean substituting the meat dish for a second potato dish - “Would you like fries with your mashed potato?”) Spongebath, cool compress on the forehead. Pressure stocking on, off. Curtains open, closed; fan on, off; windows open, shut. Jog up the road for meds, snacks, flowers. Pillow here, there, no not there, here. Daily rehab downstairs, daily nurse visit.
And through all these logistics, let the loving comfort and encouragement and hugs flow.
Knee Replacement Recovery in France? Oui, s’il vous plaît!
Being uninsured nomads, we might as well do this somewhere interesting, like Amiens France. A Scottish-based Elite Surgery Abroad agency sets it all up for us - pre-screening, scheduling, apartment with food in an old-folks home for two weeks after, daily nurse and physio visits, 6-months of doctor virtual-follow-up. All that for less than just the out-of-pocket surgery alone in North America, and a whole lotta stress and organization off our plates (and good French cheese and baguettes on our plates).
I get to take the occasional jog into the French countryside, returning with Biscotti ice cream and fresh pastries. Some dear Canadian friends visit and bring a fresh deli sandwich that melts my dear wife - 3 meals a day from the French old folks’ cafeteria is pretty good, but it’s still institutional food.
On day 13 Sarah’s strong/brave enough to hop a bus (literally!) into town to hobble with other knee-replacement comrades around the farmer’s market, the biggest cathedral in France (twice as grand as Notre Dame), and the iconic Jean Trogneux chocolate and macaron shop (founded in 1872, and currently run by the sixth generation of the family, making over 2 million macarons every year).
5 Tips for Caregivers Post Knee-Replacement
- Do one small personal task a day. Some of my spectacular one-day achievements have been: Researching ride-em mowers. Half a blog post. Reduce emails from 80 to 60. Bake granola.
- Let go. This is not the time to write that great novel, get caught up on work, or even watch all of Heated Rivalry. This is dedicated Her time. Caring for her, plus one small task a day, is enough.
- Do it together. This isn’t her journey I’m supporting. This is our journey we chose, and I’ve got the easy role. I’m not doing anything for her, I’m walking the road with her.
- Lean on other caregivers. At meal times in the cafeteria we gather, comparing notes on our partners’ flexion and mood, laughing about our own diminished lives or about something completely unrelated. We’re not alone in this.
- Don’t publish a blog about it that she can see until at least a month later, when it’s still tough but not like before.
Good Night (for a few hours)
At night after I finally tuck her in to sleep in her reclining chair, I revert to my old stay-at-home-dad ways - take some time for myself. Doom scroll, watch a random Netflix nothing, do a crossword, read a chapter. I’m dead tired, but this feels like unadulterated ME time and I don’t want it to end, even if there’s nothing I want to Do with it. Eventually I’ll drift off, bedroom door open half-listening for the next rustling or call-out for a bathroom run, ice, pill, pillow, reassuring hug. For a blurry half hour I was there for Me, but I am always, 24-7 here for her, with her. The only place I want to be.
PS: Sarah Update - Publishing this 5 weeks post-surgery (as per my own advice above), Sarah is doing amazing. Walking 5,000+ steps per day, going up and down stairs, rockin’ the rehab with physio and at home, sleeping mostly through the night, cut way down on pain meds, straightening the leg completely (0°) and already bending to 125° flexion, crying when she needs to and brave when she has to be. Still a long, painful, hard-work road to recovery (through South America, with the cloudforest paths of Monteverde Costa Rica being the big carrot next March), and plenty of time to dream up scar tattoo designs (hers will likely be happier than our son's suggestions below).
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Currently in...
Moncton, New Brunswick for a month of post-knee-replacement rehab (Sarah's) with our lovely Galen and his fiance Cai.
Heading to...
Newfoundland, Uruguay, Chile, Easter Island, Carnival!, Monteverde. Please share any sites, people or ideas by email.
It sounds like you are doing a superb job taking care of your lovely wife! Best wishes to Sarah for an speedy recovery.
It sounds like you are doing a superb job taking care of your lovely wife! Best wishes to Sarah for an speedy recovery.