For Sale by (Quaker) Owner
Exactly two years ago, we accidentally sold our house. We were going to ease into this travelling thing by renting it out for the winter, but the neighbours surprised us with, "What if we were to just buy it instead of renting?" And just like that, we were selling our 4th house in 24 years in an unconventional, direct and personal way that is true to our values (and ended up being good business).
Community
When we sat on the front porch and had breakfast with the young couple interested in our first home in Austin Texas, our real estate agent was shocked. She couldn't quite name her concern, just "That's not the way things are done." But establishing this real connection made the whole process work - they came to trust us, and we felt good about them valuing and building upon the energy and legacy we had created there.
Over two decades we have returned to visit, to see the now-fully-grown plum tree we planted with our son's placenta, and to celebrate how they enjoyed raising their family in what had been the cherished first home of our marriage.
In addition to having visiting rights to our various placenta trees, selling to people with shared values has been a gift to our left-behind neighbours. We work hard to build community with those living around us, and it feels good to be able to assure those neighbours that they'll love the new family Almost As Much as they love us.
Integrity (and fair pricing)
Early Quakers were famous for their unusual sales approach in the markets - set a fair price and stick to it. As people came to understand and trust the Integrity of Friends, this strategy became not only faith-consistent but also business-smart.
But while it's all well and good to put a fair and unyielding price on an apple, how does it work on something as big as a house, particularly when either bargaining down or bidding wars up are the expected norm? Any house sale number is a large number to hear or speak. Doing it face to face requires conviction and trust.
Setting a fair price in real estate is an imprecise art. Real estate agents and Zillow tend to overemphasize formulae based on square footage and plumbing, not the special character and energy of our beloved space. A genuinely fair price is one that honours the unique value that both parties perceive the house to have, while still being a sound investment for the buyer and an adequate payoff for the seller.
For our first three sales we used simple market research to land on prices we felt were fair in that market, and were able to communicate that in a way that the buyers did not feel cheated out of their normal bargaining experience. Breaking bread with the buyer let us openly share the way we arrived at the firm price, in a way that they trusted and honoured that price. In both cases, we came away with enough to continue our growth journey (the first to escape to Canada after the US invasion of Iran, the second to buy a house big enough to invite others into cooperative living), and over time the buyers reaped tremendous financial gain.
This time around, the buyers respond to our named price with a different perspective and research on what other factors should be considered in a fair pricing. Because this is an honest, respect-based dialogue, we’re able to listen and realize we've made the critical - and predictable - mistake of over-valuing the financial and creative resources we had poured into reno's and improvements. We agree to share the cost of an external appraiser, providing common ground to arrive at a final price we all feel good about. This isn't negotiation, it’s Listening.
Equality
Real estate is usually an unquestioned drive to get the most money possible. But working directly in relationship with potential buyers, and aiming for a fair price for all, gives more leeway in selecting who will next own this beautiful house. In a standard market-driven process, the presumptive winner of our third house would have been a young professional couple who wanted all four historic floors to themselves. Instead, we were able to select two young families with a vision to live in community and host church social functions in the drum studio - similar to the way we had shared the big rambling space with three other couples.
The house before that we chose a young family who would actually live in and treasure the old house, rather than tear it down to build a "Vancouver Special" like many properties in the area. And this time, we love our neighbour's vision of having a second home on the block to unite their blended families and be close to their aging mother.
Only a narrow band of people can afford a house at this price. We have further restricted access by only advertising within our circles, which by definition tend to be exclusive. While acknowledging these significant limitations to true equality, within the narrow band of possible buyers we are able to exercise some values-based discernment around who would be a good fit for this house, this legacy, this neighborhood.
Simplicity
"Here's the creaky stair that the former owner's boys would skip over when sneaking out on Friday nights," we show the neighbours. "We left this spot on the back of the door where they carved their girlfriends' names." Then in the garden, "Here's where annual garlic and "Kiss Me Over The Garden Gate" flowers will greet you next spring."
Working directly with buyers helps simplify the usually-convoluted quagmire of real estate. We invite people directly and honestly into our home and lives instead of hiring a Staging Designer to gussy up our home with someone else's furniture and decorations. Of course we clean, we purge, we make the house look better than normal, but it is still our Home. We even write a letter sharing the history of the house and how we made it Home. Our friends get a taste of what the structure feels like with our energy (again, a no-no in the standard "make it generic" market approach), and they can dream into how they will bring in their own unique gifts and vision.
Working directly with known families also removes a costly extra link in the chain. Two times we negotiated lower agent fees in exchange for us recruiting the buyers, and twice we hired an agent just to handle the final legal and financial mumbo jumbo. The cost savings (upwards of $40,000!) provides wiggle room in finding a price that works for both parties, and the minimized role of the third party makes space for the satisfaction of personal connection.
What isn't so simple this time around is the sudden ten-day window we have to pack up our entire lives to hand over the house. This fourth "move" for us is the beginning of a years-long sojourn around the world, so we have ten (10!) days to touch every single thing we own and decide if it fits in the EV, stays in storage for that eventual someday when we "settle down" again, or deserves a new home. Ten days of managing multiple FB Marketplace listings, GoodWill donation runs, and the profound discernment over whether that beloved African drum or pickle dish or ACDC concert t-shirt still needs to hold weight in our world.
Peace
The last time we meet with our neighbours - and now new homeowners - before hitting the road, there's no couch to sit on. We walk together through the open house, now ready for their new furniture and family and vision. We show them how to adjust the air flow in the sauna, the clever ceiling cover over the outdoor faucet shut-off valve, the sauna we built as a Covid project - "it fits 5 adults or 16 teenagers..."
If I could wrap this up with one more value, it would be Peace. Selling a house is scary - it's our legacy, our future, and our life savings. It's tempting to say that this is Too Big to risk applying our strange Quaker ways to it. But staying grounded in our values and preferred way of moving through the world brings a deep sense of Peace, not just to the results but to the process. There is Peace in knowing that our old house is in good hands, and that both our families have been respected and supported our new journeys toward Home.
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Currently in...
Philadelphia
Heading to...
Costa Rica (Monteverde) till Christmas, then Thailand (Chiang Mai), Vietnam (Hoi Ann, Feb-Mar). Please share any sites, people or ideas by email.